1:00 rolls around. You catch your baby rubbing her eyes and she cries because she finished her food and you took off her bib. "I think someone is sleepy!" you say to your baby. She says, "whatever Mom, I'm super awake!"
But you know better and against your baby's wishes commence the naptime routine.
1. Change baby's diaper as she barrel rolls and wallows on her changing table. It's okay, you like a challenge.
2. Read the "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" book and sing while your baby chews on the arm of the chair.
3. Feed baby until she falls asleep. Make a mental to-do list of the multitudes of things that need done while baby is sleeping.
4. Lay baby down.
5. Step on approximately 14.7 creaky floor spots on your way to the door.
6. Help formerly sleeping baby get back to sleep.
[repeat steps 4-6 as necessary]
7. Hold your breath.
8. Ninja dance to the door.
9. Spend 1.5 minutes closing door as quietly as humanly possible.
10. Breathe.
11. Get the dessert that you didn't eat at lunch because it was 1:00 and 1:00 is time for eye rubbing.
12. Sit down to eat and glance at Facebook.
13. Continue "glancing" at Facebook.
14. Pet the dog as an apology for not sharing your dessert.
15. Throw away your trash.
16. Pick up toys from the morning.
17. Pet dog.
18. Decide to watch one episode of a Netflix show.
19. Come on, everyone know you can't watch just one episode.
20. Continue watching Netflix.
21. "Glance" at your phone.
22. Realize that your eyelids are suddenly feeling heavy.
23. Weigh your options:
A. Attempt productivity.
B. Take a nap. Baby usually sleeps for a while longer.
24. Make the wise decision.
25. Sleep for 4 minutes and 32 seconds.
26. Jolt awake.
27. Retrieve screaming baby and melt in to a puddle as she sees you and breaks into her big gummy smile.
28. Tell her she's silly and that you love her a lot.
And so concludes naptime. Your baby is currently pulling all of her toys back out and you feel a morsel of regret for not accomplishing more during naptime. You remember that you did get that piece of trash thrown away and somehow your 4 minute and 32 second nap made you feel about 11% more energized. Pat yourself on the back, momma. You're doing just fine.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
The Dream Team Volume Two
The Dream Team never fails to enjoy a good crafting project.
This afternoon, I laid Abby down for her nap, did a couple of small chores, and got out my fabric cutting board and went to work. Abby enjoys waking up at the smallest noises, be it the flutter of butterfly wings or the snip of scissors. Maybe a dog barked thirty miles down the road in Yadkin County or a car door closed in Boone. Whatever the reason, Abby woke up earlier than I had planned on her waking up. I was just about finished cutting fabric though, so I sat her down near me and went back to work.
Abby is mobile enough, though not crawling yet, that she can get herself almost anywhere. Like literally on top of the fabric that I was attempting to cut. Add on to this the fact that me sitting on the floor anywhere is an invitation for Milo to come over and my goal of simply cutting fabric was becoming increasingly difficult.
And now, I present to you this story through photographs.
I am clearly a mean mom for drawing the line at chewing on things after Milo has been chewing on them, so this is where the fun ended. A minor meltdown ensued and my crafting came to a temporary halt. All was well within a few minutes and we moved the fun upstairs to the sewing machine, which is another party just waiting to happen.
This afternoon, I laid Abby down for her nap, did a couple of small chores, and got out my fabric cutting board and went to work. Abby enjoys waking up at the smallest noises, be it the flutter of butterfly wings or the snip of scissors. Maybe a dog barked thirty miles down the road in Yadkin County or a car door closed in Boone. Whatever the reason, Abby woke up earlier than I had planned on her waking up. I was just about finished cutting fabric though, so I sat her down near me and went back to work.
Abby is mobile enough, though not crawling yet, that she can get herself almost anywhere. Like literally on top of the fabric that I was attempting to cut. Add on to this the fact that me sitting on the floor anywhere is an invitation for Milo to come over and my goal of simply cutting fabric was becoming increasingly difficult.
And now, I present to you this story through photographs.
Abby: Tape.
Abby: MILO. TAPE.
Abby: Milo, get over here! Tape AND a water bottle! Mom's not done with it yet, but she doesn't mind if we both lick it.
Milo: Oh wow Abby. Thanks for the heads up. Isn't Mom great?
Abby: That's right, dog. This bottle ain't big enough for the both of us.
Milo: Oh hi Mom, were you sitting here? I almost weigh as much as you do but you don't mind if I perch my large behind on your kneecap.
Abby: Lay down, Milo, as I taunt you with this delectable water bottle.
Milo: Pet me, Mommy
Milo: She's going to put that on my head, isn't she?
Abby: Milo, this would look fantastic on your head.
Abby: Fine. If you're not going to wear it, I'm just going to go back over here.
Milo: I love you.
Abby: Wanna lick this, buddy?
Milo: I love you.
Abby: Can I lick it now?
Me: No.
I am clearly a mean mom for drawing the line at chewing on things after Milo has been chewing on them, so this is where the fun ended. A minor meltdown ensued and my crafting came to a temporary halt. All was well within a few minutes and we moved the fun upstairs to the sewing machine, which is another party just waiting to happen.
These two may make everyday life a little more difficult at times, but they are so entertaining that it really doesn't bother me. I love my little Dream Team!
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