What Happens During Naptime

1:00 rolls around. You catch your baby rubbing her eyes and she cries because she finished her food and you took off her bib. "I think someone is sleepy!" you say to your baby. She says, "whatever Mom, I'm super awake!"

But you know better and against your baby's wishes commence the naptime routine.

1. Change baby's diaper as she barrel rolls and wallows on her changing table. It's okay, you like a challenge.
2. Read the "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" book and sing while your baby chews on the arm of the chair.
3. Feed baby until she falls asleep. Make a mental to-do list of the multitudes of things that need done while baby is sleeping.
4. Lay baby down.
5. Step on approximately 14.7 creaky floor spots on your way to the door.
6. Help formerly sleeping baby get back to sleep.
[repeat steps 4-6 as necessary]
7. Hold your breath.
8. Ninja dance to the door.
9. Spend 1.5 minutes closing door as quietly as humanly possible.
10. Breathe.
11. Get the dessert that you didn't eat at lunch because it was 1:00 and 1:00 is time for eye rubbing.
12. Sit down to eat and glance at Facebook.
13. Continue "glancing" at Facebook.
14. Pet the dog as an apology for not sharing your dessert.
15. Throw away your trash.
16. Pick up toys from the morning.
17. Pet dog.
18. Decide to watch one episode of a Netflix show.
19. Come on, everyone know you can't watch just one episode.
20. Continue watching Netflix.
21. "Glance" at your phone.
22. Realize that your eyelids are suddenly feeling heavy.
23. Weigh your options:
       A. Attempt productivity.
       B. Take a nap. Baby usually sleeps for a while longer.
24. Make the wise decision.
25. Sleep for 4 minutes and 32 seconds.
26. Jolt awake.
27. Retrieve screaming baby and melt in to a puddle as she sees you and breaks into her big gummy smile.
28. Tell her she's silly and that you love her a lot.

And so concludes naptime. Your baby is currently pulling all of her toys back out and you feel a morsel of regret for not accomplishing more during naptime. You remember that you did get that piece of trash thrown away and somehow your 4 minute and 32 second nap made you feel about 11% more energized. Pat yourself on the back, momma. You're doing just fine.