Sometimes...

...you wish you had a video camera. Because sometimes, your day seems like the things sitcoms are made of.

Imagine that your sweet baby fell asleep while eating, so she's curled up against you on top of the soft pillow on your lap. She wakes up after a time and you know that your baby likes to "sit" after she naps, so you prop her up in the corner of the couch. She looks around, stares at the fan, coos and smiles at you. Suddenly, her expression changes and you brace yourself for what is to come.

Sometimes, your baby's diaper defies all logic and physics. Sometimes you find that the contents of what should be in said diaper is in fact not in the diaper at all.

(I'll spare you the details. Use your imagination.)

So you ask your baby, "Hey um baby? How exactly did that happen?" And because she's a baby, she'll just smile at you. You commence clean up: quickly wipe the worst of it off the couch, carry the baby to her changing table and use all the wipes ever created, take off the onesie, replace diaper and onesie, and lay her in her crib. You stand at the bathroom sink, scrubbing and soaking, soaking and scrubbing, until the worst of the stains are gone and you can place the defiled items in the sunshine to dry. Of course while you're standing at the sink, your other child - the 100 pound one that is covered in fur - is trying his darndest to help you clean the couch. Because that's what dogs do. Onesie in the sink and head in the hallway, you say, "Hey Milo! Milo?! Milo, get in here!!" and then you peek in the nursery and see your baby happily kicking away in her crib. You know she has to feel better. The evidence, after all, is on the couch.

Sometimes you then have to take the couch cushion outside to clean and bake in the sun (because sometimes it's that bad) while your baby sits in her car seat on the driveway and watches you. You get it as clean as you guess it's going to get and begin to move everything back inside. While opening the door, you realize that you've walked through a spider web. Simultaneously your baby is less happy as she realizes that she'd rather be eating than watching you scrub a couch cushion. You can't blame her. You ignore the spider web, put away your cleaning supplies, and settle back in on the other couch - the clean one with all the cushions - to feed your baby.

Sometimes about thirty minutes will pass by and you feel something tickle your arm. You know that your baby girl likes to sleepily run her fingers along your arm, so you look down to soak in the adorableness. Instead of cute baby fingers, you see a spider. That's usually not as cute as baby fingers. Your mind flashes back to the spider web that you walked through previously and you revel in the fact that this spider has been crawling on you for a half hour. Wow, that's fantastic!

You stealthily fling your hand around, sending your new friend on to your half-made grocery list.You swiftly and with the grace of a super ninja stand up to save yourself and your previously-sleeping baby from this vicious being.

Then you may consider taking a picture so that you can show your doctor the life-sucking spider that tried to eat your arm.

Your baby is now sitting in her swing staring at her mom, wondering, "What on earth could Mom be doing with those two pens?" Why, Mom is using them as spider-killing chopsticks, of course, dear.

Sometimes you leave the spider dead on the floor for your husband to clean up. Because he likes that sometimes.

And then, you're exhausted. You settle back in on the couch that now has one less cushion but definitely no spiders. You wonder what on earth just happened. Your dog continues to lick the couch and your baby wishes she had your pen chopstick ninja skills. And you laugh, amazed at how much uproar this tiny little human can create.

You realize that without this tiny human, your afternoon would have been nowhere near as exciting as it turned out to be. Odds are good you wouldn't have been scrubbing a cushion in the driveway and you definitely wouldn't have been viciously attacked by a man-eating spider.

Lastly and most importantly, you realize that you wouldn't have it any other way, because being a mom is seriously the best thing ever, even with your new adventures in cleaning.

End scene. Roll credits. :)